poems of my sins, part 3

Your lips;
Pressing insistently into mine
Sucking on my mouth, on my breath,
On my entire soul,
So that when you left
you tore a part of me with you.

poems of my sins, part 2

Things are whispered in the dead of the night
That can't be said in the day.
I love you
I fucking love you.
But only just tonight.

poems of my sins, part 1

I am shattered.
I am a hollow shell, flesh picked clean
By gulls.
The sound of waves still echo in me,
But I am far from the ocean.
I am far from anything
I had ever known.

"i walked with you once upon a dream"

but fairy tales are

for little girls and you are too old, your soul

too battered for lies like that anymore.

fairy tales are for innocent, virginal girls in 

pink dresses 

and 

diamond crowns

and your eyes are too full of shadows, bones too

full of secrets to pretend

to be pure.

your mouth has tasted too much cum

for the kiss of a prince, and

you will never be able to

conceal the stubble burns etched into your skin

from past lovers.

you cannot un-taste the apple

you have stolen, 

you cannot un-see 

the hell you have glimpsed. 

on relationships

she said i can’t love you anymore

because you drain me.

you’re like a mutated, human-sized

leech feeding on every bit and morsel of me

and you scream whenever i cried salt tears.

i can never understand how

two people who mutually hurt each other

could stay together willingly

but now i see that people will always

hold onto things that they are

familiar with, even though it’s killing them.

and i’m sure those half-burned wounds

on your body would never heal

if you keep latching onto me

because i will never stop crying.

so it would be better if we

stop loving each other

anymore. 

a tale of love and cancerous growth

perhaps i never really learned to love.

i love you -

tumultuously, savagely;

i never learned to love otherwise.

my love is a benign tumor in times of peace

it occupies you, it is a part of you. 

but it has the potential to metastasize and proliferate

into an ugly mass of hatred and vitriol

so violent, so malevolent,

it would consume you whole.

i love you

but perhaps not the way you learned to be loved. 

声声慢

寻寻觅觅，冷冷清清，凄凄惨惨戚戚。乍暖还寒时候，最难将息。三杯两盏淡酒，怎敌他、晚来风急？雁过也，正伤心，却是旧时相识。 

　　满地黄花堆积。憔悴损，如今有谁堪摘？守著窗儿，独自怎生得黑？梧桐更兼细雨，到黄昏、点点滴滴。这次第，怎一个、愁字了得！

the first crack, pt 1

to you
promises are just frantic, desperate nothings;
whisperings meant to be forgotten,
self-destructive words meant to be broken.

you're a gaping hole of despair in the center of my being.
nothing ever hurt like you. 

être, ou ne pas être

i don't feel human.
i don't feel human.
i don't feel human.
this body does not feel whole
this emptiness does not subside,
but aches and aches from my stomach;
shoots into the tips of my fingers,
the soles of my feet,
the thin of my scalp.

my lips are still swollen from the ashes of your kiss. 

5 months

i’ve forgotten you, you’re a ghost, i’ve forgotten you.

you hurt too much, you

take too much. i can’t breathe. i can’t sleep.

i think i’m barely existing.

you’re a gunshot wound; and one day

i will bleed to death. 

untitled

To be wrapped in you again,

To be able to breathe the same air

You breathe.

I can touch you with my hands.

My lips cannot stop kissing you.

The world is drunken and spinning.

And so are we.