Advice For February:

Be nice to people this month. Smile, but take care to ensconce your sharp, jagged teeth. Laugh kindly at people's jokes, but do not spout blood. Speak softly, as to not wake the slumbering demon in the confines of your mind. Ignore your belly, you do not want to eat humans. Keep your hands occupied, try not to pull out your nails when you're nervous. Lock your heart in a jar, it had never been a good influence. Bathe in formaldehyde everyday, or you will be plagued by gnats and maggots. Do not go near the animals, they will shriek and hiss. Eat with a fork and a knife, but do not concentrate too much on the knife - or the fork too for that matter (you don't want to kill somebody). Finally, look into others' eyes with loving kindness and do not let the insanity show.

Save Me From Me

My skin is raw and
my heart whorls,
so my darling will you
please
soak me in you?

Smear yourself on me:
On my cumbersome limbs
on my
throbbing flesh.
You may suck
away
the delirium
and the morbidity
and the abyss
from the pores
of my
skin.

Love Your Tumor

You said you want to
Kiss the wound
that is my mouth.
You would
suck away the
cosmic, eternal
darkness
into
you.

I love you,
but

The Girl Who Had Maggots

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was in love. And when her love died, she had him encased in the concourse of her mind and would not let him go. Soon, the corpse began to fester and maggots infested her mind.

The maggots originated from the soft tissues of her brain. Slowly, leisurely, they ate her brain as she slept. And sleep she did often. When she cried the maggots wriggled out from the corner of her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Still, she did not notice the maggots because they were clever: eating her brain tiny bit by tiny bit so that she felt nothing. But they were breeding now, and the maggot babies were hard to control. They cried and they wanted more.

One day, she woke up with a splitting headache and was left with no choice but to call the doctor. The doctor came and felt her head and pronounced that a surgery was to be taken place immediately. She consented. And when the doctor had her head cut open, the maggots came squirming and writhing out, their pale white bodies intertwined like lovers'. The doctor gently wiped away the maggots to reveal a moiety of brain left.

The girl died. And so did the maggots.

Goodbye Darling

Your love left blisters on
my heart,
your breath stained
my skin.
And now you say
you would leave.
Again.

Alright
you may go.
But first,
could you please
find me a donor -
I can't grow
another new heart
anymore.

I Miss You

I miss you.
And all I am breathing are thoughts.
I gasp and splutter and there is no
air. Only dense clouds of
memories.

The little droplets of anguish run
like blood - rolling and tumbling onto each other
they clot into masses of black and they
choke me
to the point of delirium.

In my lugubrious dose of morbidity
I cried with a thousand eyes.
I wander alone
in the reverberating hollow concourse
of your absence:
missing you and hating you
to the point of death.

The Fall

I'm plummeting. Through a depth that only nightmare can fathom. An emptiness so perfect we can't conceive of. And I'm falling fast.

Insomnia

The nights would not let me sleep;
the daylight blinded me.
I am left to stagnate, vegetate
and to regress.

Purge my mind from skin to bones,
disrobe me from it:

for such thoughts I have;

of the grotesque and the deplorable
that would consume me whole and alive.

Would that I could be empty breasted again -
breathe freely as though the particles
of air would not choke me to death.
And my heart of flesh and blood
does not weigh like gold.

Yet the hellish din would abide, issuing
from lips burned black of thirst
to murmur the most egregious words
from which rang the ugly truth.

Deepest and Darkest

If I could be cradled in sea shells
And float through the millennium of nights;
Alone and forgotten, but infinitely
free - free as I had never been,
from the alien hurt
and from you.

I've loved you too long -
my soul is bloated and
swollen for feasting on you:
My dark prince,
you hold too much darkness and I
inhaled too much of you.

Of black I know too well.
Viscous and tenacious it clings
so possessively to me, to my
body and my bones: like
tendons and ligaments
and tongue and toes.

If I could be lulled by the whisperings
and sleep through an eternity;
uncomprehending and dispassionate, but
still, living and breathing
as I had never been.

But You Know I'm a Liar

Remember those nights when

we are alone in the world? We are
all that matters, we see only
each other. Your heart and mine,
beating in the ancient rhythm,
the sacred dance.

Remember when your love is
written on my skin? When we were happy and snug
in each others' arms? Remember when there is only
the silent breath in and out of
your lovely mouth.

I could say I no longer love you.
That I don't dream of your
fingertips on my skin. That my mouth
Doesn't feel empty and abysmal
Without your thrashing tongue.

I could say I've forgotten you.
Or I don't miss you.
Or even I hate you.
Because I can never say
I love you.